Post by Bob Kolodney on Mar 2, 2008 14:26:05 GMT -5
Anyone who would like to suggest improvements to the Ulysses parody Chicken/Road item at the end of these Fowl Tales is welcome to to so.
FOUL TAILS: "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
VLADIMIR PUTIN: The chicken needed to take preventative actions to protect itself from its enemies who persist in recruiting its former allies for mischievous ends and even have the audacity to aim missiles in its direction with the blatantly false explanation that they are dealing with a threat from the Middle East.
BAN KI-MOON: The chicken was reaching out to its Northern nuclear-armed neighbors with the intention of creating a Peninsula-wide peace that could be extended step by step to ultimately include the whole world.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken will teach the faithless degenerate Western exploiters a lesson that they will not forget. Why must they place barriers in the way of spiritual realization, and attempt to impose their unwanted customs on those who follow the true path? The chicken’s brave deed will encourage our noble warriors to take the road to glory and victory.
BENEDICT XVI: The chicken was blessed by its Faith that there was another side, and its belief proved to be fully justified.
BARAK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the artificial border that divides parties and peoples in order to discuss with its former enemies the ways in which friendship, cooperation and a constructive approach to world problems can be launched.
JOHN MC CAIN: The chicken crossed into Irak to keep the American people safe and support democracy – it will stay there for 1000 years if necessary.
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: The chicken forced its way over the party divide to work out a comprehensive approach to the future in which concerns with security are carefully balanced with our needs for universal healthcare, economic stimulation, and winning sports teams in New York (that can be met through the discernment of hens contending with the destruction, disillusion, and devastation created by roosters).
NICOLAS SARKOZY: The chicken crossed the Rubican of obstacles to a healthy future in order to restore traditional priorities, the values that created Western civilization, and Glory.
JAMES JOYCE: …..Bedecked in avian attire, feathered, clawed, beaked and beribboned, this ebullient avatar of its kind scratched its way over the blacktop, gloriously, its wings in the pose of flight in limbo since the Jurassic adolescence of its pre-species, crock of the roost, dawn crower supreme, pater familias, in search of sustenance and sex, emboldened yet vigilant, and the barnyard and the hen house, and the chicken-wire enclosed pens, be-fouled in Connemara, when he was a chick, and his heart was beating madly, and yes, he dared to say, yes, I will cross, I will live, I will thrive, pourquoi, comment and warum and wie know I knot, but I will succeed and I will express the freeflowing thoughts of a freed being, independent, bold and bedazzled and be-d**ned, and her passionate clucking, and do I dare, and will I dare, did I dare, and did I dare once again, and the hawk swoops across the sky, the prey and the preyed upon, and the lost long reckoning of birdclaw and birdflesh, and breast and thigh, and the sound of rustling at twilight, crimson and gold sunset, fighting the onflowing waves of darkness, the outgoing pitch of waviness, and all the while across the woof and the warp of the road, the nearness far from home of the Lord Mayor of Dublin who addresses the crowd thus, "Ahem,…Ye cursed of the earth, enslaved. starved and troddendown by the British, sheltered only by the bottle and the tap, blessed by Saint Patrick and vilified by the Archfiend Archbishop of Canterbury at a gallop, canter and trot, horsetraders' slops for sail to fill the fat bellies of the imperialist lords, bartered souls, belaboured, blamed and becalmed in the grey phlematic waters of the Hibernian wash…never you mind you well-sauced trollop, the river Liffy will continue to flow, fulsomely, fruitfully", yes the air is filled with the flash and the flurry, the yearning, the cries and gasps and the apostrophes whilst...
FOUL TAILS: "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
VLADIMIR PUTIN: The chicken needed to take preventative actions to protect itself from its enemies who persist in recruiting its former allies for mischievous ends and even have the audacity to aim missiles in its direction with the blatantly false explanation that they are dealing with a threat from the Middle East.
BAN KI-MOON: The chicken was reaching out to its Northern nuclear-armed neighbors with the intention of creating a Peninsula-wide peace that could be extended step by step to ultimately include the whole world.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken will teach the faithless degenerate Western exploiters a lesson that they will not forget. Why must they place barriers in the way of spiritual realization, and attempt to impose their unwanted customs on those who follow the true path? The chicken’s brave deed will encourage our noble warriors to take the road to glory and victory.
BENEDICT XVI: The chicken was blessed by its Faith that there was another side, and its belief proved to be fully justified.
BARAK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the artificial border that divides parties and peoples in order to discuss with its former enemies the ways in which friendship, cooperation and a constructive approach to world problems can be launched.
JOHN MC CAIN: The chicken crossed into Irak to keep the American people safe and support democracy – it will stay there for 1000 years if necessary.
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: The chicken forced its way over the party divide to work out a comprehensive approach to the future in which concerns with security are carefully balanced with our needs for universal healthcare, economic stimulation, and winning sports teams in New York (that can be met through the discernment of hens contending with the destruction, disillusion, and devastation created by roosters).
NICOLAS SARKOZY: The chicken crossed the Rubican of obstacles to a healthy future in order to restore traditional priorities, the values that created Western civilization, and Glory.
JAMES JOYCE: …..Bedecked in avian attire, feathered, clawed, beaked and beribboned, this ebullient avatar of its kind scratched its way over the blacktop, gloriously, its wings in the pose of flight in limbo since the Jurassic adolescence of its pre-species, crock of the roost, dawn crower supreme, pater familias, in search of sustenance and sex, emboldened yet vigilant, and the barnyard and the hen house, and the chicken-wire enclosed pens, be-fouled in Connemara, when he was a chick, and his heart was beating madly, and yes, he dared to say, yes, I will cross, I will live, I will thrive, pourquoi, comment and warum and wie know I knot, but I will succeed and I will express the freeflowing thoughts of a freed being, independent, bold and bedazzled and be-d**ned, and her passionate clucking, and do I dare, and will I dare, did I dare, and did I dare once again, and the hawk swoops across the sky, the prey and the preyed upon, and the lost long reckoning of birdclaw and birdflesh, and breast and thigh, and the sound of rustling at twilight, crimson and gold sunset, fighting the onflowing waves of darkness, the outgoing pitch of waviness, and all the while across the woof and the warp of the road, the nearness far from home of the Lord Mayor of Dublin who addresses the crowd thus, "Ahem,…Ye cursed of the earth, enslaved. starved and troddendown by the British, sheltered only by the bottle and the tap, blessed by Saint Patrick and vilified by the Archfiend Archbishop of Canterbury at a gallop, canter and trot, horsetraders' slops for sail to fill the fat bellies of the imperialist lords, bartered souls, belaboured, blamed and becalmed in the grey phlematic waters of the Hibernian wash…never you mind you well-sauced trollop, the river Liffy will continue to flow, fulsomely, fruitfully", yes the air is filled with the flash and the flurry, the yearning, the cries and gasps and the apostrophes whilst...